Too many people are unfamiliar with The Yardbirds. One word: sacrilege. Three letters: wtf.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not judging you. After all, not everyone was equipped with older, precocious sisters who shunned Boy George and company throughout the 1980s and pledged allegiance to the British Invasion of the 1960s. Growing up with a teenage sister during that heinous decade (from which no fashion trend has ever returned), rather than crooning “Old MacDonald Had a Farm” by Mother Goose, four-year-old annarepublic belted out “Purple Haze” by Jimi Hendrix.

Legitimate question: “Why the flip is annarepublic writing about a band from yestereon on FR*A, whose very name promotes fresh meat?”

Straightforward response: Because they are one of the most underrated rock bands of all time. And it would be a public disservice not to pay homage to a groundbreaking quintuplet that has so much to offer to the future of music, that is, if we want it to be sound.

If you already know the lyrics to classics like “Lost Woman”, “Happenings 10 Years Time Ago”, and “Over Under Sideways Down”, power to you (virtual high five). Otherwise, you are in danger of failing this round of Rockology 101.

Crash Course on why The Yardbirds represent a great paradigm for future rockstars:

(1) Substance – The heart of a great rock band is its members and their musicianship. Were The Yardbirds beauty contestants? Did they bite off rats’ heads during concerts? Did they have straight teeth? No to the third power, aka no cubed. But rather than riding The Beatles’ coattails, they established a very unique sound and composed incredible music.

Furthermore, The Yardbirds were…

(2) Ahead of Their Time – They took chances with their music, so much so that their contemporaries did not fully appreciate them and countless audiophiles remain unaware of them. Let us remedy that affliction right this instant.

Finally, they feature…

(3) Bad @ss Alumni – What other band graduated Jeff Beck, Jimmy Page, and Eric Clapton? Don’t fret. You don’t need these three exact men to have a slammin’ band. They’re probably busy, anyway. The last time I checked, Jeff Beck was preoccupied with his year-round impression of a cadaver, Jimmy Page was trying to beat Marlon Brando’s record of weight gain in one lifetime, and Slowhand was dating lasses 50 years his junior.

Brilliant musicians, they are. Infallible creatures, they are not.

But to quote the prolific readers from “Reading Rainbow,” “You don’t have to take my word for it.” Take The Yardbirds for a test flight on your own.

I speak on behalf of many who do not want B.S. to “gimme more” of anything (her initials…coincidental? I think not). Here’s to more original music and a better future for our lobes. Let us fight the good fight against atrocious music. Future rockstars of America, unite.